


Tired of Taking My Own Life (I Slept In Cemeteries)

by tsohg



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsohg/pseuds/tsohg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because he deals.</p><p>He survives.</p><p>He keeps going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tired of Taking My Own Life (I Slept In Cemeteries)

Tyler is okay.

Tyler is okay because he goes to therapy, because he takes his medication, because he stays in his bunk even on the nights he can't sleep, because he deals.

He survives.

He keeps going.

Tyler is okay. Most of the time.

He is okay except when he's alone, when he's locked in a tour bus bathroom and bleeding at the hips and thighs and he stares at his wrists for a long, long while.

It's not so bad. He can handle it. He can turn it into something better, into lyrics that kids will sing back to him at shows (he doesn't think about the way he hates hearing his own voice and oh god, oh god it's so much worse when it's his words from someone else's).

Tyler is okay. Usually.

Sometimes he looks at all his pill bottles in their neat rows and thinks about prescriptions that don't help, thinks about how much _better_ they'd work if he were to take them all already.

He doesn't talk about it. He makes it all past tense, makes it I _used_ to, when I was _younger_ \- this way, nobody has to think twice about it.

Tyler is safe now. 

Tyler is okay. Sometimes. 

He knows that people care. He knows that Josh and Jenna and his brothers and his sister, they'd be devastated, he _knows_ this, and he hates himself because it's not enough. 

It's not enough, it's not enough, someday they'll be gone too and it won't matter when he left them, it won't matter how. 

Tyler is okay. 

He thinks about opening his wrists up with razors and drinking himself to death and drowning in the creek that's blocks from the house he grew up in and high-rise buildings and the medicine cabinet. 

He thinks about how everything is _there,_ how he could do it. 

But he doesn't, and that means he's okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> oh my fucking god this is a steaming pile of garbage and i'm sorry


End file.
